Thursday, August 2, 2012

Gay Men: Regret or Relief?

Before I start into the important stuff, I need to get one thing off my chest -- I love you, Matt Bomer.  You are flawless.  No matter what anyone else says on the Good Reads discussion board, I think that you are the clear choice to play Matthew de Clairmont in the Discovery of Witches movie (you should call your agent and get in on that).  Sometime I daydream about us meeting and this is sort of how it goes:

knock at door, April opens door to see Matt Bomer standing in Kensington looking like a tropical sea breeze in the oppressive heat (probably wearing white linen pants).  

Me: OMIGOSH! You're Matt Bomer, I love you!
MB: You're kidding, April Maxwell, I love you!  You make those old purple work out pants look amazing, and without make up you're more stunning than all the pictures I've seen of you on Facebook!
Me: Well...if you think so
MB: I know so!  I can't imagine a life lived without you any longer, please, run away with me.  Of course we can take all of your animals, and your romance novels.

This is usually the part where my subconscious realizes that I've gone way overboard and wakes me from the fantasy that will only hurt me in the long run.

You need to understand that this is not a random event reserved just for Matt Bomer (sorry Matt).  Every year I seem to fall head over heels in love with a TV actor.  This is always a risk for someone who watches as much TV as I do, and I am totally willing to live with the consequences.

However, lately every time I fall madly in love - one Google search tells me that my chances are less than nil, my new crush is totally and completely (and happily) gay.  This kind of information can crush a girls' spirit.  Now my fantasy surely can't happen, he doesn't even like women, let alone women in Philadelphia that like to eat while watching TV in purple track pants.  The knowledge that I am coveting what I can't have makes it less appealing to daydream, it looses it's escapism for me.  I guess I have to find another ridiculously hot guy to fall madly in love with (but I had already married MB in my head...).

I was trying to explain why I wasn't as excited to see MB in Magic Mike to my sister, and she offered an entirely different perspective on the matter.  She said that when she realizes someone she finds super attractive on TV is gay, she's relieved.  Now she doesn't have to worry about what might happen if she was to meet this person.  She no longer has to worry about her reaction.  She doesn't have to think what might happen if the object of her affection doesn't like children, or wants her to leave her husband, or has cats.  She can watch and enjoy, carefree, now that there is no risk involved.

So, when I find out that my TV fantasy man is gay in real life, should I regret my choice or feel relieved that I won't have to choose between my husband and this mega stud?

2 comments:

  1. First, in your fantasy he's not gay. And if you met him in real life he would totally stop being gay for you. Because fantasies are awesome.

    Second, don't you guys have a-celebrities-it's-OK-to-sleep-with-and-it-isn't-cheating list? If not, you need to get on that. I can assure you, if I ever have the opportunity to sleep with Ryan Gosling, it's TOTALLY allowed.

    Third, I love that you have a blog. It makes me so happy to read your thoughts :)

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    1. Okay...you just totally blew my mind. In my fantasy he ISN'T gay!!! Dear lord, Nathan better be ready for Matt Bomer and I to make sweet, sweet love.

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